Monday, May 27, 2013

The co-founder of black is at it again

My mailman is pissed.
Restoration hardware, and all of its ludicrous iterations, sent me this bundle.

I'll give that RH has some rather tempting offerings but the prices and questionable quality really turn me off. 
I love Gary Friedman for his preposterous claims that make me laugh 'til I cry but, Dude! Wipe that smirk off your face! Its creepy.

Gary thinking real hard about the wheel

Let's talk about their latest discovery in the world of quantum physics.
Yes, tableware. 
The catalog gives us a synopsis of the creative vision and genius of Albert Einstein as a prelude to the introduction of their tableware collection.
"That is the philosophy we embraced to imagine our new tableware collection. Beginning with a quest to develop the perfect plate, one that would inspire us to replace our existing ones, we reconsidered every aspect - the material, the shape, the size the weight and the glaze - developing prototype after prototype until we explored every possibility and exhausted every option."

Guess what they came up with? Round. Wow, Gary my plates are just circles how the hell did you come up with this?

" The result is our rendition of the perfect plates (we developed three shapes, round rimmed, square and coupe), made of authentic porcelain. "

Groundbreaking round plates

If you are concerned about the word "coupe" its just round with no lip.

The other bits of ridiculousness include "Objects of curiousity"
Its a catalog of fake antiques  
concocted by "the Reimaginists" AKA big fakers who pose with silly expressions like this...

I'd love to work there inventing the old but I have not perfected my self-important pompous duck face. I tried but I couldn't stop laughing.
You really must read the original RH snark at WTF, Restoration Hardware?


Vel Criste said...

hahaha! Thanks for the laughs kerry, I got mine too last week - I usually find inspiration for vintage finds there that I didn't even know was worth something when I go antiquing, that's why I still want the catalogs! Anyway, hope your having a great holiday!

Patty Day @Pattys Epiphanies said...

I can't believe those catalogs! No wonder their prices are so high...can you imagine the cost of those volumes! Totally overkill!
I loved RH back in the 1990's when I first walked into one at a mall!
Today, it's insane!

Raina Cox said...

I ran across a consumer complaint website once and its Resto section ran for over 20 pages.

And I love how the Wee Orange One was "fired" for jackassery but never really left. He was front and center at the company's IPO last fall acting like the king of the furniture universe.

The Pink Pagoda said...

All I have to say is I love you, Kerry. I want to have coffee with you when you're in this mood.

Nancy said...

ditto Kerry, and they had to cut down an entire tree for that bundle to each of us! INSANE, really wasteful, ridiculous.
xo nancy

Barb said...

Laughing out loud! Thanks! This got my morning off to a great start. My bundle of insanity hit the recycle bin quickly. I could not even bring myself to thumb through the entire tomb(s). The faux antiques is what got me "Objects of Curiosity" I would be curious to see who pay such ridiculous prices for said "objects!" Now I am off to clicking on that link you posted.

Linda {Calling it Home} said...

Don't get me started on about the fact that you can bounce a quarter off Gary's forehead from all the Botox. Going to check out the link.

home before dark said...

You may be able to bounce a quarter off his forehead, but he will never feel it or respond to it!

Yes to WTF. Yes to instant recycle. Screaming at the idea of "objects of curiosity" once the domain of the intelligent searcher/travler. Now, the naked emperor can have it made for you in China and shipped directly to your recliner.

ps Confession: I am putting resto lights in my new kitchen. I bought them several years ago before this place went RH. Barfville!

Heir and Space said...

Too funny and very very true!

Elizabeth @ The Little Black Door said...

Amen sister! My mailman had to drop them on my front step as they wouldn't all fit in the mailbox. Idiots. I just threw them into the recycle bin right away. Although, now I'm thinking I should fish them out. They sound like great reading material over a few cocktails. You crack me up girlfriend. :)

ArchitectDesign™ said...

it is all a bit preposterous -but after the last big shipment (was it last year already?) they must have made bank or they wouldn't have done it again? I don't know. Loved the tumblr link -haha.

Julie Taylor and Danni Greenwalt said...

Very go girl!

Karen Albert said...

I haven't received my package yet ; similar to the one a couple of years ago...what a waste of money! Off to read ..

Visit when you have time!
Art by Karena

Karen Albert said...

Just returning from WTF! Too hilarious! Love " the only time you will see burlap described as "rich

Loi Thai, Tone on Tone said...

You go, girl! :) I received two bundles of those at home and the other sent to the shop (despite countless please remove me from your mailing list). Really wasteful!!

Kimberly Lemmon said...

Kerry, you are sizzling, woman! Yes, the RH catalogs are so incredibly pretentious. They think if they surround all of their run of the mill merchandise with colorful prose, they can charge waaaaay too much for it. Not that I would want it anyway. Much of it anyway. Happy weekend!

carolyn bradford said...

I have never loved a blog post more than this one! I wish I'd had the courage to do it because I certainly thought about it! I'll admit I didn't want the wrath of RHW on me! As an antiques dealer I find it even more ludicrous and what's worse than that is the amount of waste they put into those huge bundles of pages of catalogs that get tossed in the trash! Everyone here in Birmingham that is a designer has been saying this very same thing! As my sweet cleaning lady once said about her husband, " He ain't all that!" I've loved that saying ever since she said it! There is a lot of truth in those words!

Kim said...

Oh Kerry ... I looked at that stack when it came in last week and literally just dumped it in the re-cycling. In this world where everyone is really trying to make the most of their time. I'd rather actually pick up a book to read. I was truly sick by it. Love your post and you are RIGHT ON!! xo

Elena said...

Your post and comments about RH are right on! It is crazy how they waste time, money, and materials on all of those catalogs, I mean BOOKS. It seem as if they have their own publishing company. I thought Pottery Barn was bad, but RH wins the ego prize!

Windlost said...

Brilliant. Well said. A bunch of pompous asses...

StagerLinda said...

Thanks for REPRESENTING, girl!