Monday must haves

I really want a modern (vintage or not) credenza/sideboard/dresser for my TV room.

I saw the perfect one for $175 on my local Craigslist and it was gone in hours. This one above is $595 and its been up for weeks.

I don't think that is a crazy price I just know I can get it for much less with patience.

Here are a few others I like.

This one is from the Conran collection now at JcPenney. Its on sale for $765.

I am still really mad at JCP for debuting the JA Happy Chic collection and having only a construction zone in my local store. It just reinforces my belief that  Fredericksburg is a dowdy, provincial place. My husband and I have a running argument about that. I am right but that is another post.

This credenza from the Jonathan Adler collection is on sale for $715 but the lone review is by a disgruntled customer that was not expecting "put it together" furniture. I don't blame her. The regular price is nearly $1200.

I have a feeling that my patience will be rewarded.

Do you patiently wait for deals?

If the shoe sits?

For fifty bucks I could be the old woman who sat on a shoe.

HERE

Craigslist- the intangible edition

As promised, I picking on other places than my hometown today. Actually just one person with some magically funny listings, living in a rural, hilly area, that happens to be in my home state.
I swear on everything sacred that I did not make these up. I copied the text from the listings in red.

Can't touch this

The listing for this table made me laugh out loud.

This is rather new table, by new I mean made by modern means of particle board and such. It is in decent shape. It has three tables with it that are all in rough shape. They could be stained if you wanted them to go back to being nice. It would make a great intangible table.

WTF is an intangible table?

The listing reads:

This is an antique wood desk. It even has the place where the liquid ink would go so that someone could dip their quill pen in the ink so as to write

Just in case you want to tell Ma and Pa about the injuns you saw on the way home from coon huntin'

I am not making this next part up either!

This is a listing by the same person for a "retro recliner"

 This is a retro recliner in good condition. It is yellow, with an orange-ish brown color. Very retro. I don't bargain.  

Stain. He meant to say "stain" after "orange-ish brown color" but there was a critter making a racket out back and he got all flustered.

Same guy...again.

A portion of the listing for the $100/never cleaned ever once sofa, reads:

  It is a little dusty and has some dog hair that could easily be removed.

I see no damage to the recliner other than smelling like smoke from a wood stove and being dusty.

Smoky Green recliner... a fragrance for... uh...folks and furniture.

I don't know. I am just shaking my head at this crazy old coot selling the filthy contents of his house.

How do I know he is a he?

He also claims in yet another listing that he is gettin' hitched and his fiance already has her own gross stuff a dining set.

Each ad ends with "I don't bargain". I guess it is pretty obvious that cleaning is frowned upon also.
Bless his heart!

Hillbillies are hilarious.

 

Your weekly dose of CL snark

You keep loving the snark, I'll keep writing it.

I usually start these fun little trips to bitchy-land with daily perusal of the "furniture" category of my local Craigslist. Most of it is boring ugly stuff but sometimes there is something to take note of.

Pick up the tissue, Slob!

Generally speaking, I am sufficiently grossed out by the faceless cooties of strangers lurking in upholstered furniture. Thanks to this listing I at least have an armpit AND a face to go with the pestilence.
$50 is way too much for couch cushions full of that guys stinky gas, don't you think?

I simply must show you the text of this listing.

Do you have family gatherings but never enough seating? Are you also drawn to bright dramatic colors? This is the table for you! It's your statment piece. Get the family talking about something besides themselves : ) The table top has a hand painted quote from English novelist Dodie Smith. About the family- " That octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts ever quite wish to."
The table has a formal feel but very casual at the same time. $150 or best offer 

 If you buy this table the family will definitely be talking about something other than themselves.

 

Me Tarzan, you Craig.

This is a listing for jungle decor with a plethora of pillows depicting animals, an oil lamp with no oil (above) and two coconut monkeys. The listing explains that one of the monkeys is missing an eye.

Now we all have to resume our search for a pair of coconut monkeys with intact eyes. Darn!

Last week's CL post poked fun at a less than appealing listing for a daybed and the accompanying yucky mattresses.

Oh Dear! Did they read my post?

Here is this week's tidy listing for what appears to be the same bed (in the same area too) minus the squalor and stains.

I'd love to clean up Craigslist, one snarky post at a time.
I think I will pick on a different city next week. I like it here and I don't want to get kicked out. But, seriously that octopus table!!!!!

Craigslist for dummies

I got a great response to last week's post  "Craigslist fun" where I said mean things about items posted locally. I have more mean things to share. Craigslist for dummies, meaning if you are looking at the Fredericksburg, Virginia Craigslist you are dumb.

Lucky for you, I am dumb.

Here's how flushed away an hour of my life looking for a fantastic brass and glass coffee table.

Hand restored? To what? Its non-original F-ugly color apparently.

Second floor suite 208, I was in that psychiatrist's office. Birds are gone though.
Honestly the chair is not awful but it is not MCM either.

 I have no idea what makes the lister think these are French. Maybe they smell funny.


I was starting to feel guilty about saying so many snarky things and figured I would end on a nice note. I found this metal daybed that looked like it could be romantically styled with linen or toile.

Two things about the listing stopped me in my tracks. Was it too much to ask to tidy up that 20 square feet? I mean really...if you are going to virtually invite the whole world in to your little corner of squalor, at least put on a show of decency.
The second part was that in the text of the listing, they graciously offer the nasty stained box spring and an even nastier mattress that they did not photograph, but they assure buyers that it is totally gross.

OK here it is the really good thing!

 

$300 bucks HERE and they didn't turn it into a kegeratoror or offer anything weird as a bonus.
Wish I had a spot for it

Craigslist fun

I have come to the conclusion that my local Craigslist is 98% useless to me.

Most things I wouldn't even want in my basement. Occasionally there is something nice for a million dollars. 

I moslyt troll the listings hoping for that 2% jackpot. Usually the nicely priced, cool item is something that I do not need so I keep watching and waiting, giggling at the listings.

OK, its mean to laugh at someone that can't spell but there are legions of people that do not know how to spell "MIRROR".

I looked up the word "Antique" and and none of the synonyms were "Gross". I cropped out the enormous dog cage pressed against it.

This one cracks me up every time! Listings for a "sitting" chair, is there any other kind?

5 large? Really? The listing says that it was originally $10,000. I wish them the best of luck with that listing.

If the word "beautiful" is used in the description, I have to look. Its like a car accident. I know I should just keep moving but I look anyway. It is almost always an item that that I would choose a very different adjective to describe.

Call me a snob but I can't help but wonder what this person would call ugly.

How is your Craigslist?

Craigslist FAIL!

My local Craigslist is generally worthless for stylish furniture. The D.C. area Craigs is better but a bit pricey and its a pain to get there.

 I was excited to see a listing for these brass, faux bamboo tables. The kid told me they were his grandmother's and there were two small ones of the same size and a larger one for $20.

He said they were in good condition.

They wanted me to come in the evening so I set out at 6:15 to drive what was supposed to be about 1/2 hour away. It took me 50 minutes in the dark and rain. There was fog and windy, unlit roads. In short, it sucked.

And so do the tables. I think I mentioned that it was dark and that is how I ended up with these cheap, junky, corroded nesting tables. The two smaller ones that are NOT the same size, do actually nest. They will not fit under the largest one. $#*&! I hope they respond to a bit of spray paint and dim lighting.